Every miscarriage is different

I wrote Lucky the BYRD to help others going through their own miscarriages. Every miscarriage is different, so my experience may not be completely relatable to you. However, I am sure there will be big parts that are completely relatable. The emotions we go through during this time will be so similar. The feeling of loss, grief, the depression, hopelessness, and so much more that we may not have ever experienced before. The point is there are very few stories out there to read. It is easy to listen to podcasts or watch youtube videos that has endless stories of miscarriages when you are not going through it right that moment.

I wrote the book for specific reasons.

One, I couldn’t find anything I could read in private. Podcasts and youtube was not working for me at that time, because I needed it to be personal. I wanted to read in silence when I was alone. When my family, husband, friends were not anywhere near me and I only wanted to hear my voice in my own head. I needed to know that what I was feeling was normal and that I wasn’t going crazy. Did I need to get myself checked out at a mental hospital??? Or was I going through something totally normal for my situation???

Two, I needed to know what to expect. The only way to know is to read other people’s stories. Again, there were none. I found a lot of articles written by doctors about how the body works, which I appreciated, but they couldn’t tell you what you were going to feel emotionally, physically and what happens to you mentally. It told me what was happening in the body and basically what you can expect to happen. None of what I read prepared me for what happened to me.

Three, if I was able to read every single miscarriage experience, I would have been able to have a compilation of scenarios in my head and know, while things were happening, what I can possibly expect and what I can do about it. This would help me seek help if I can’t find a solution in time.

Four, I had know fucking clue there were different kinds of miscarriages! Mine was called a missed miscarriage or a silent miscarriage. I didn’t know I miscarried until I was at my ultrasound and the ultrasound tech told me she couldn’t find a heartbeat and the baby was only 8 weeks when I knew it was 10 weeks. At this point, obviously I knew I miscarried, but nobody told me this was a missed miscarriage until I started doing my research about miscarriages. Then this was when I found out there were multiple ways to rid of the dead baby! Mostly because my appointment with my midwife was so far away (a whole week LOL) I could not wait for answers. What else was I going to find online without the help of my midwife or the clinic!

I wrote this book to be the thing that I needed for someone else.

I wrote a second Lucky the BYRD series(?). It is called Lucky the BYRD: Standing by her side through a miscarriage. It is in the perspective of my husband. I researched about miscarriage day in and day out. I wanted to know everything about it as much as I possibly could. Clearly not enough was out there for me, or I wouldn’t have wrote the first book. However, what was practically non-existent was a story on the perspective or angle of the husband or partner.

During the time of my miscarriage, I watched my husband very closely. Mostly because I needed him at times, but also because I was concerned for him. He didn’t complain once about what I had him go through and he also didn’t share what he was feeling. I was and still am positive he was struggling, but like most guys they don’t share these things very openly. I don’t think he knows exactly what he experienced. All he knew was he watched his love go through her ups and her downs and there was nothing he That didn’t mean he was comfortable with the things he did mostly because they were nurturing kind of things as opposed to fixing something that was broken.

I wrote the book and wrote what I thought he was going through and had him read through it and correct anything that wasn’t accurate. I was, apparently, spot on, but I know there is more to it. As a person who doesn’t have a nurturing strand in him, there is only so much he was able to pick up on that was happening in him. This book may not pinpoint exactly what the husband or partner is going through. But it can be a guide of what is going on with the miscarriage and what he can do to support her. The support he can provide is the most important thing during such a time. Not all women have an easy time conveying what they need so here is a book that can support the husband and in turn support the wife.

I hope this will help a lot of couples out there. I also hope we can start sharing stories so that all women have the support, no matter what the situation is. Lastly, I hope this will help couples have equal support.